ACID

Heel to toe
and toe to heel
where the feather-lined shore
meets the crystal ripples.

Saturated, sandy cuffs
of denim
seem like the most ridiculous
of concerns

when the rock face
is communicating with me.

When I,
a solitary animal,
combine my flesh
with the wind and
layers of the atmosphere.

Things that are usually wrong
become nothing
and things that are usually right
become irrelevant.

Words and perspectives
can’t catch onto me,
don’t latch onto my ribcage.

All of it free flows
through me

until boredom flings me
up and out
down and around.

I do bore easily

until the mould on the bricks
glow green
and the web stretching across
looks back at me.

I see the outlines of everything

and I know there is no such thing
as outside.

I infuse the best versions of everyone
to become the best version of me.

I own this entire place,
I put on a show for the celebration
as the headlights light my stage.

My inner children are held
for the frustrations they
drill into me

I scream them out of
the right corner of my mind
wrapped in the gentle blanket
of love and adoration.

Everything responds to me.

Everything is part of me.

I am free to be
any fucking thing
that I wish to be.

I orgasm the universe
through my nervous system
on my knees.

I lay my body down
among the trees
and cry at the sight
of the curvature
of the leaves.

They speak to me.

I try to conjure
the most perfect configuration
of molecules
that I have ever imagined

but I can only do it in my dreams

for now.

Maybe it’s closer
after the screams.

Maybe my heart burst
open when I realised
that I will now see

like this

forever.

DOMINO EFFECT

Sometimes my nerves hurt
when they sense that what
is in front of me,
inside of me
comes from the domino
that fell next to the tree
in a village in Chile.

This chain reaction
sets in motion a chemical infraction
in my brain as branches fade
when they are no longer needed.

Just keep on breathing,
just make sure my heart’s still beating.

The noise of expansion
pounds onto my drums
infusing underneath the boards
of electrical fabric.

Set my dial to the tune
of the living end
where all that is seen
all that is felt
is the interplay between
order and chaos

solidity and fluidity
lucidity and boundlessness –
where nothing claws
at my diaphragm

I am triggerless.

THE INFERNO

Let the inferno in your chest
guide everything thing that you do.
Always.
Despite what other people say.
Regardless of whether or not they label you as absolutely fucking insane.
Know, really know that there are no boundaries to existence and what you can create.
Feel every moment of it.
From the blood-curdling screams that come from the core of the cesspool in your guts
To the most intense love for the spider web in the corner of the bathroom that no one will ever notice. Ever.
Love the fucking shit out of yourself.
Now.
Right fucking now.
You fucking deserve it.
Even if the whole goddamn fucking world abandons you.
Love the fucking shit out of everyone else too. Now.
Even when they abandon you.
Especially when they abandon you.
You are the same entity.
The idea of separation only exists so humans can make some sense of this crazy fucked up mess of a beautiful universe.
Love the man you want. Hard.
Even if he doesn’t love you back.
Let him be free.
Be free yourself.
Don’t believe anyone who tells you that you are less than the personification of Love.

THE SCRAWL

I wait and I watch the ink
sink right in
as I scrawl my desires into existence
 
forgetting that words are spells
fails to eliminate their effect
 
remember when exclamations were made
about everything meaning nothing
and disembowelling the things
I’ve claimed to have known?
 
remember when I touted
expertise in destruction
giving way to a rebirthing moment
leading to a shiny new existence?
 
bleeding out would follow
like a truck into my face
a great way to start a brand new day
 
“how experienced are you really?”
croaks the Higher Self
“don’t forget you asked for this.”
 
so that dormant part of me arose –
the part that needed to die
for my freedom
 
and I
loved
it
to death
 
once I see it
feel it
love it
it gently dies away
 
fear of pain gets me nowhere
 
and it’s my own pain that I heal
which ultimately heals the mirror
that I live in
 
I desperately needed that
upsurging
upheaval
 
the retrieval of the dark and dead
the autopsy while I’m still alive
 
relapsing is helpful
and you had something to do with it
 
you tend to shake me to my core
 
from the moment that I burst into those doors
 
you strip my flesh back bare
without even trying
 
you can’t see everything about me –
the delicate
sometimes violent
interplay between
my infinite facets
 
I can’t see all of you either
but, fuck, did I feel you
and it lingers
obviously
otherwise I wouldn’t be here
 
so this reminder
that words are spells
brings me here now:
 
I want deep soul connections
with entities
sharing my best and worst afflictions
 
I never liked to live in between
 
I want my soul to dance
with a man
whose depth speaks to mine
while our minds intertwine
with explosions of ideas
and growth
and looking at fears
in the face
for the benefit of everything
that is
 
I want abundance
to rain down on us like the Creators
that we are
so no one need struggle
ever again
 
I want to super-accelerate
and keep my people
by my side
if they choose to come
along for the ride
 
I want freedom
in every sense of the
goddamn fucking word
and I wish the same for others
 
I want to roam this entire
goddamn fucking world
precisely now
 
and then I wait and watch the ink
sink right in
as I scrawl my desires into existence.

BENT

I step on the last thought I had
or I watch it
until it dies

it might come as a surprise
that everything means nothing

all of this is just a game

torch everything I own
disembowel the things I’ve claimed
to have known

all of this is just a ride

do I let it become
contaminated by pride?

or contaminated by need?

or attached to identities?

there is no re-creation
without destruction

luckily for me
excavation
and demolition
are my life-long specialties

I step on the last thought I had
or I just watch it
until it dies

it might come as a surprise
that everything means nothing

until I learn the rules of the game

and how to bend them.

STEAL MY SANITY

Dear Silver,

With your face
always locked onto me
it feels easier to breathe

especially when I can’t see you.

When your invisibility
cloaks me
I sit inside this fake body
and let your gravity
move my insides.

I let your endless phases
work behind the scenes
so effortlessly.

This sense of proximity
creates a shaking
on the ground
makes irrational thoughts
appear to be sound.

Could this be real?
Is anything real?

I asked Beloved
to steal
my sanity

over
and
over
again.

Maybe my prayer
has been answered.

UNBROKEN

the only difference between
the fluidity
that lies beneath
and the emptiness
felt on the surface

is my ability to see.

when shattered fragments
encase me
I feel tempted
to flee.

I feel an impending
snap
lurking behind
my back

until I adjust
my receptivity

until I adapt
my perceptibility.

and when all things
reappear as unbroken,
when all things
make a shift within me

I realise the unknown
has left itself unspoken
I realise the unknown
doesn’t care whether or not
I see.

HUMAN

I love you as a human.

Not for what you can give to me,
not for what I can take from you.

I love you as a human.

For the life of smiles
you bring into this world
at this time.

For all of your pain
maiming you inside.

For some reason I can feel your pain
so much of the time.

Probably because that pain is mine.

So I have loved it

smothered it in self-acceptance
and independence,

drenched it in the belief
of my dreams.

For that reason
there is a lot of room in
me,

for that reason
there is only positive
movement.

For that reason
I love you as a human.

CLAY

sometimes
it’s murky in here

as though
the carefully moulded clay
has melted
into my blood

absorbing the venom

remoulding
assisted
by twisting it all together

while I walk
while I pray
while I subsume.

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