AN ABSURD REMINDER

It is only when I believe that life is inherently meaningful and purposeful that I suffer. That is because I am believing a lie, I am chasing nothing.

Once I remember that existence is absurd I am redirected to live by the values and meaning that I have created for myself. I release any desire to grasp or attain a certain object or state of being. I see life as a cosmic joke which I can choose to perceive as amusing.

When I remember that there is no higher purpose to suffering (because there is no higher purpose to anything), it follows that I no longer suffer.

BENT

I step on the last thought I had
or I watch it
until it dies

it might come as a surprise
that everything means nothing

all of this is just a game

torch everything I own
disembowel the things I’ve claimed
to have known

all of this is just a ride

do I let it become
contaminated by pride?

or contaminated by need?

or attached to identities?

there is no re-creation
without destruction

luckily for me
excavation
and demolition
are my life-long specialties

I step on the last thought I had
or I just watch it
until it dies

it might come as a surprise
that everything means nothing

until I learn the rules of the game

and how to bend them.

UNBROKEN

the only difference between
the fluidity
that lies beneath
and the emptiness
felt on the surface

is my ability to see.

when shattered fragments
encase me
I feel tempted
to flee.

I feel an impending
snap
lurking behind
my back

until I adjust
my receptivity

until I adapt
my perceptibility.

and when all things
reappear as unbroken,
when all things
make a shift within me

I realise the unknown
has left itself unspoken
I realise the unknown
doesn’t care whether or not
I see.

REORIENTATION

have you ever noticed
that the world
is your reflection?

not some separate reality
objectively
existing outside of you

not something to control
by thinking
and planning
frantically

as though time is running out

have you ever noticed
that your circumstances
reveal your internal state?

as much as you try
to organise
rationalise
externalise
the struggle never ends

what happens when
you choose one thought
over the other?

choosing yes
and love
and gratitude

over no
and fear
and despair

despite external circumstances

using them as a stepping stone
to take you higher

you swim in a world
made of molecules
that your mind created

imagination
is the only thing that is real

you can reorient
the molecules you experience
whenever the fuck you like

it takes some practice

and starts with noticing
the mirror
and choosing
one thought over the other

and watching everything you want
come to you.

THE DANCE

the condensation
in the air
clings to my winter coat

as my back nestles
into the grooves
that line your chest

my ears ring with symphonies

the dance between
sunlight and leaves
speaks to me

suggests to my heart
that I cry

who am I
in the scheme of this whole thing?

what is my life
if I don’t let beauty in?

my notebook
breathes with me
clearly sees
my internal workings

while this perfect friend’s
imperfections
hover over me

as though nothing
is ever wrong

and never will be again.

self

nothing is here
to feel any guilt

nothing is here
to feel any shame

nothing is here
to feel any fear

nothing is here.

THE FLOOD

the weight of my presence
creaks
 
speaking in images
of contrasting
philosophies.
 
you didn’t know
there was a turn
coming.
 
the climbing never ends
but the view does.
 
I felt its heat
meet with me
before my eyes did.
 
I was looking at the floor
and its linearity.
 
I looked up at the wall
and its incompatibility.
 
just a few more inches
until the flood.

SHIVER

Sometimes I shiver when you speak
when our knowing eyes
lock.
 
Even without words
I know you
for your body
sends messages only
the finely-tuned can hear.
 
The fibres in my being
caught fire when
they felt you.
 
The same fire
that consumes you.
 
I know you feel it too
I can taste it in your words
as they drip down
your mouth into mine.
 
We are of the same
burning.
 
The same yearning
invades
our skeletons,
our skeletons
ambivalently holding
vitality and deadness.
 
And deadness.
 
And it’s our descent into
the blackness
of the abyss
that binds us
for craving nothingness
is longing for oneness.
 
And I want oneness
with you.
 
Yes, our fibres are alight
set by parallel experiences,
set by the seeing
of the black hole
of our own soul.
 
The distance from
the end of the void
to the tip of the flame –
endless,
scattered,
horror.
 
You took alienation away from me
and gave me ecstasy instead.
 
And so
we let go
of trying to be
something other than what we are.
 
Our Selves seeping out
of every pore
the glitter and the decay
dancing together
as though differences do not exist.
 
I stand naked before you
sparkling and rotten.
 
The fluxropes
exploding from my eyes
reach as far ahead
as they do back
 
but there is a single link
that flickers
somewhere out in front of me –
a solitary section
of impermanence
that needs to be solid.
 
I know that everything is impermanent
and nothing is solid.
 
Is the solidity we both ache for
nothing but a psyche-deep myth
casting illusions of consistency?
 
Life is an illusion of consistency!
But love is not so!
 
Love is beyond
illusion, delusion
and myth.
 
It is the core of all that exists.

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